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tenshiyami
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Name: Angela
Birthday: 7/1/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: God. Bible study. friends. texting. IMing. talking (in general lol). Japanese stuff. ANIME. manga. Furuba. Sailor Moon. dothack. music. singing. playing guitar. techno. rock. gothic metal. CCM. writing. learning. 80s stuff. love (movies, tv shows, songs, anything romantic)... being a light to those trapped in darkness.
Expertise: talking. getting lonely. memorizing stuff (especially God's Word). pretty good at being random, weird, foolish, naive, etc. I think I can understand others pretty well... Bah, what's considered an "expertise" anymore. xP
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  angelru90
MSN: tenshiyami327@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  angelru90
Member Since:
7/31/2006
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| Update... hmmm... I'm still doing alright. My depression has died down a good bit. Kinda stressed about my Calc 2 test on Tuesday night. That'll probably bring on more depression... Already kinda feeling apathetic about it. >.<;; I think I'll probably be okay though because my Gretchy is coming to stay with me!! I think it'll be really nice to just have a good girl friend around. (I love you, baby! *huggles*) Umm, what else... Raised my physics grade up to a C (somehow), and I'm still doing very well in Japanese. This girl and I led my seminar class last Thursday, and I must say: I totally rocked it!! hehe. Uhh, still obsessed with Imogen Heap. lol. Oh, and I'm REALLY kinda, sorta wanting to get away from Lexington for a bit. Good thing Thanksgiving is coming up soon! Family!!! =D Okay, well, this update isn't all that great, but I guess it works, right?
Much love!!
PS - I got UP tonight!! Best Pixar movie EVER!!!
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| I decide to take a nap at 5:00 because I'm not feeling very well. (Plus, I've been SO depressed lately and just needed to escape...) So I set my alarm for 6:00. Around that time, my phone alarm starts going off. My iPod is still playing at this point. (I went to sleep with it on.) So I'm kinda going in and out of sleep until about 6:15 when I hear the song I wrote, "Friend, Tell Me." It doesn't dawn on me until the end of the song that "Friend, Tell Me" isn't on the playlist I had been listening to. I check my alarm to see if I maybe set my iPod alarm for 6-something a.m. rather than p.m. Nope. My alarm was off. Somehow in my sleep, I switched the playlist. Somehow, it picked a playlist with "Friend, Tell Me" on it, and somehow it played "Friend, Tell Me" out of all the other songs.
Why is this so significant? What exactly is my point? Well... This past week, I have just been praying that God would take me... Honestly, I look at the headlights of cars as I walk home after dark, and I don't want them to stop... I'm not "suicidal," but I have wanted God to end my life... So I believe it was Him who switched my iPod to "Friend, Tell Me"... I feel like He basically told me, "Angela, my dear, sweet child, I am NOT going to end your life. You are precious to Me. Look what you have done through My Spirit. You wrote this through Me. I am NOT done using you. So stop asking for Me to take you!" lol... I love You so much, my dear heavenly Father!
As if this wasn't enough to give me chills, He completes the job through Sarah's message tonight at FUEL (a Jesus thing I go to on Monday nights). Sarah talks about being a mother and what she's learned... She's learned the jealousy of God. It's not bad like we think of it. She explained it using her newborn daughter... She doesn't want anyone else to hold her or comfort her. She gets jealous. She was put through SO much pain for her little girl, so she wants to be the one that she looks to and desperately needs. This is how God is... He was put through SO much pain for us! Now, He just wants to be the One we cry to, the One we turn to for comfort. He is jealous with such a DEEP love for us... It's so amazing... simply amazing...
Here's a passage from Song of Solomon that really touched me:
Chapter 8, verses 6 and 7.
Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised.
In these verses, the Shulamite woman speaks to her beloved (Solomon), but it also pictures God's love for us...
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icanhascheezburger.com
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| "The Walk"
by Imogen Heap
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, 'cause you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, yeah,
No, it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, yeah,
No, it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on. <--- (favorite part!!)
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault
Thank you, Imogen Heap, for somehow putting my feelings in words through SO many of your songs!
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| No matter how many times I tell them, "I will hurt you!" they still stick around. Well, here is another warning to EVERY SINGLE GUY who ever has ANY feelings for me: STAY AWAY!! I will only hurt you, and laugh as I devour your heart into my darkness.
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